Dave I/O

The misuse of the word ‘banter’ in recent months has been incessant. Dave, a TV comedy channel that carries material from the intelligent to the reprehensible, has even used it as part of its branding. Used as a noun or verb, the dictionary definitions are -

banter(n): the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks.

banter(v): exchange remarks in a good-humoured teasing way.

Seems fairly reasonable. British interaction between established friends is quite commonly peppered with the gentle exchange of insults and teasing, with the expectation of the exchange being mutual.

The thing is, ‘banter’ (a word that I despise every time I type it) has become less and less good-humoured. Outright misogyny and threats of violence, when called out by those inclined to do so, are dismissed as ‘banter’, which apparently now makes them okay. Jeremy Clarkson’s frequent tirades of bullshit are a perfect example. The number of times that I’ve been told, “oh, it’s just banter”, in the sense that classifying it as such renders it exempt from a critical eye, are numerous and just as infuriating each time.

Here are a few choice examples of Clarkson’s ‘banter’. Watch as he has a pop at some easy, vulnerable targets…

The poor -

“I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”

Cyclists -

Clarkson’s highway code on cyclists: “Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong.”

The disabled -

“Britain’s nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe…probably because they don’t have wheel-chair access.”

Victims of domestic abuse (maybe women with cosmetic surgery) -

“There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching… on their face.”

Women in general -

“Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.”

Teachers on strike -

“I’d have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.”

Playful and friendly? Good-natured teasing? Let’s try a quick Gedankenexperiment (that’s Pretentious German-Speaking Blogger for ‘thought experiment’). Imagine that someone else had said it, maybe someone you don’t find entertaining to watch on the tellybox. Maybe that PE teacher who was a dick to you back at school, or the traffic warden that gave you a ticket the other day. Failing that, try Michael Gove, he’s always a good go-to for an awful human being.

Now put yourself in the shoes of the target of Clarkson’s ‘banter’. You’re unemployed, or a woman, or disabled, or old, or a cyclist. You already get a lot of shit from the world just because of who you are or how you get around. Now, all those people who respect Clarkson, because he can occasionally be a bit funny about cars, are rationalising a little bit of extra hatred toward you.

Suddenly, it’s a lot less good-natured.

What it comes down to is this: your speech is not protected because you think that what you’re saying is funny – especially if you have a voice that’s heard by many. By having an audience, you have a responsibility to work toward equality, not sow more seeds of discrimination and hate.

And for those of you who think that I’m sat here calling for the end of sarcasm and irony, watch an episode of QI. Go on, I’ll wait. There you go, witty use of both – without resorting to picking on the vulnerable.

Just remember this. When Clarkson, or any of these pissant purveyors of the opposite of wit – has a go at women, they’re having a go at your mum. At your mum.

And they’ve got their cock out.

Here I am. I’m British, my lower lip keeps moving oddly to one side and I want to talk to you about an American initiative to destabilise the basic functions of the Internet, so that music labels can make more money.

You can do something about this, regardless of whether you live in the United States or not. Hit http://fightforthefuture.org/pipa for a prettier video with more technical detail, and details on how to contact your representative with your thoughts about SOPA and PROTECT-IP. If you’re a US citizen, get in touch with them. If you’re not, spread the word. SOPA and PROTECT-IP will affect all of us – for the worse – sooner or later.

Flee, Swastika Man! Flee!

Germany is still very twitchy about its Nazi heritage. It’s concerned enough about that twitch to criminalise possession of Nazi flags, insignia, and uniforms. Even using Nazi-linked slogans and forms of greeting are punishable by the same penalty – up to three years in prison. That also includes propagandising or promoting any goals of any organisation deemed to be anti-constitutional. Germans: they don’t fuck about. And who can blame them? National Socialism was undeniably one of the biggest evils in human history – arguably the biggest.

But, as we all know, censorship does not kill ideas – no cause is too radical (or, in National Socialism’s case, too evil) to lose all of its followers. For better or for worse, ideas endure.

Fortunately, there are people out there willing to continue the fight against fascism. One such group is Exit Deutschland, a German initiative to assist those within neo-Nazi groups to get out of the world of racism and violence that they bring.

The free T-shirt handed out by Exit Deutschland. Original on left, after washing on right.

So where’s the awesome? The answer is, as Exit Deutschland call it, “Operation Trojan T-Shirt”. Exit recently attended a neo-Nazi music festival called “Rock for Germany”, under the guise of being nationalists themselves. They handed out free T-shirts printed with “Hardcore Resistance” and “Nationalistic and Free”.

Doesn’t sound particularly helpful, does it? “YEAH. WE WILL SMASH THE FASCISTS BY GIVING THEM FREE STUFF. THIS WILL CONVERT THEM TO SOCIALIST UTOPIANISM.”

The cool stuff happened when the T-shirts were washed.

Parts of the dye were made to dissolve in the washing machine, to leave a completely different message – translating to “What your T-shirt has done, you can do too” and “We will help you to get away from right-wing extremism”. Contact details for Exit were also left visible after washing.

I am awestruck with how cool this stunt was. Parents will have taken T-shirts for their kids. If just one child sees the message without their parents realising, and sees a way out of a life they didn’t choose, then it’s been worth it.

Incredible work.

Atos' behaviour has inspired protests across the country.

The Tories do not like the welfare state. You only have to look at the words that come out of Conservative politicians about ‘benefits scroungers’ and ‘layabouts’ to see that the narrative they want us to believe is one of the vast majority of those on benefits are there by choice because they’re too lazy to work.

In a country where we’re told that cuts to Governmental services are essential – not necessarily true, when you realise that large corporations are paying microscopic portions of the tax that they should, even after legitimate deductions – this narrative is a convenient straw-man to justify heavy cuts in welfare expenditure.

What’s the easiest way to cut welfare expenditure? Simple, really. Cut the number of people on benefits. You’ve painted those in receipt of benefits as lazy scroungers already, so people won’t listen to them when they complain. There’s only one problem – how do you avoid getting caught, and how do you make sure you can squirm out if you are? The tiny amount of Governmental transparency that we have in this country makes the former a risk from irritating dissenters like the Guardian, and the latter is impossible if you’re the one making the decisions about who gets to keep receiving their benefits and who gets cut off.

There’s a simple answer: let someone else do it.

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Accurate depiction of every naturopath ever.

I recently downloaded the Groupon app for iOS, looking for cheap things. Well, if I’m honest, I was looking for the cheap macarons that they picture in their ads. I learned two things.

Firstly, the macarons are a lie. They are a plot, a ploy, and viciously deceptive advertising.

Secondly, naturopaths still exist and haven’t died out yet.

I am not a very healthy individual. I have never been a very healthy individual. I’ve been in and out of hospitals for quite a lot of my life, usually for mild-to-intermediate autoimmune conditions. When I was young, my immune system decided that fighting streptococcus was for losers and when presented with an infection, headed straight for my leg muscles to attack them instead. Later, I contracted glandular fever and ended up with CFS/ME which is still with me today, bringing with it quite severe IBS.

The reason that I say this isn’t so that you will come and cook me chicken soup in your pants – though, applications can be submitted in the comments if you feel the desire to. It’s because while this health drama was unpleasant for me, I shudder to think what it was like for my parents. My mother, being a very solution-oriented person, decided that as well as evidence-backed medicine we should try alternative medicine like homeopathy and reflexology.

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The first time that I came across the reclamation of the word ‘slut’ was in 2000, in Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy’s book on non-monogamous relationships, The Ethical Slut: A Roadmap for Relationship Pioneers. The point was difficult to argue with – why is ‘slut’ such a bad word? Onomatopoeically, it sounds unpleasant. There’s a real spit to it. But that’s not what we’re addressing here, we’re addressing the meaning of the word – and that is usually ‘a promiscuous woman’.

You just know that when a gender identity is enshrined in a derogatory term, there’s going to be something wrong. And there is – the male counterpart is ‘stud’, which has a far more rounded sound to it and, of course, is considered a compliment. So what we have here is that if person X is promiscuous and female, they are classified by a derogatory term. If they’re promiscuous and male, they’re classified by a complimentary term. Not cool, dictionary. Not cool.

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Westminster Council (they’re Tories, if you couldn’t guess) would rather like to be rid of all that riff-raff moping around the street and dying of hypothermia in their borough, so they want to ban soup runs. Yes, I know, when you see “X wants to ban Y” the Daily Mail instinct kicks in and your natural inclination is to disengage any credibility for the story, but they’re quite open about the truth of it -

A spokesman for the council said the measure was being taken “in a particular area which suffers disproportionately from the negative impact of soup runs”.

He added: “Westminster believes that food handouts only serve to keep people on the streets longer, damaging their health and life chances.

“For many years, the piazza and surrounding area has been the destination for soup run organisations, a number of which travel into the city from across the capital and even outside of London.

“Up to 100 people at a time can congregate on or around the piazza while food is being given out, turning it into a no-go area for many residents and businesses with issues around litter, urination, violence and disorder.

“The council is now launching a consultation with residents, businesses, local day centres and hostels and the voluntary sector on its proposals to ban soup runs and rough sleepers in this location.

via Council accused of ‘callousness’ over soup run ban » Local Government » 24dash.com.

Scalpel please, Nurse. Let’s dissect.
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